Airplanes...

I like McDonald's as  much as the next American. We like fries, coke from a big machine, ketchup from an automatic dispenser. We do. HOWEVER, there are a  select few places that I don't want you eating "food" from the only place where a picture of a clown selling me anything is even mildly acceptable. One of those places would be on an airplane.
On my way back to Colorado I was so hungry in the Detroit airport that I was going to put a bomb threat on my plane just so it could be delayed, and I could sit down to eat real food. I didn't do that. I don't have aspirations to know the security step that comes after the big machine that looks at you all nudy-pants.
Anyway, I got really close to my gate and noticed that there were only a handful of people waiting in line to board so time was limited. I got a smoothie from some Starbucks'-oxygen-deprived-little- bother place... because I'm normal and I don't feel like other people need to smell the food I ate for two and a half hours.

APPARENTLY, there are people in this world... people flying from Detroit to Denver... that think a vehicle that has to remain pressurized so people's heads don't start popping off is the BEST place to eat all kinds of fast food. I like my recycled, germ infested air to have a distinct, underworldy stench to it thank you very much! Really?!? A greasy burger was the best you could do? How about a triple with cheese next time pal! I want to feel the calories your injesting.
There was Taco Bell, McDonald's, and Burger King! Thanks so much for putting my head in a grease covered paper bag for the next few hours of my life. I hope your slowing heart beat helps you sleep through the flight! Clogged arteries , I hear, make for optimal rest in crowded and STINKY conditions! By all means eat your fast food in front of me while 18 crying babies jam to "Screw You and Your Lullabies, Mom!" for the entire flight. Where do these people get off?! It's hard to say...

I don't make the rules, but if I did there would definitely be a "no subjecting other people to your poor life choices while on an airplane" rule. And just to be clear, I am not including "having a baby" in my list of poor life choices. I get it. Babies cry. Fair enough. But if your kid is ugly... the gloves are off.