I'm embarrassed by me, too...

We're going to play a game of "Copy and Paste". My students play it all the time. You take a small bit of some one's conversation and remove it from its context. According to rounds played in my class I should have been fired a LONG time ago.

Here we go: "Just use a condom. Put it on the end and it looks just like a worm. It works every time."

I overheard this in the parking lot after a basketball game this week. Being a teacher and noticing two students I decided to do a little parenting. "Let's remember we are still at James Irwin, a school of character. Please try to have appropriate conversations... Good night! Love, Miss B." Effective, yes? I didn't feel the need to have an after school special with them; I put in my two cents and hopped in the car. Imagine someone from the other school leaving the game hearing that conversation? In an attempt to maintain the integrity of our student body I spoke up. Now imagine that is wasn't in fact a student talking about this rather a parent... Yep.

Upon backing out of the parking lot the two "Parent of the Year" nominees charged my car and proceeded to assault me. Please look to a dictionary for the appropriate definition of assault. Business Law I taught me that it actually has nothing to do with physical violence rather the threat of violence. So by strict definition, I was assaulted. It was kind of a drive by assault. Not so much in the sense that I was in an actual car, however. What I mean is that it happened really quickly. If you know me well at all you know that in general I speak in "sass" almost exclusively except for when it would actually facilitate winning abusive arguments. I tend to tune out. It feels more like an our of body experience than anything else. I imagine it's like talking to a cardboard cut out of me.

"Um, actually you only heard the end of our conversation. We were talking about fly fishing! (Right.) Condoms look like worms on the end of the line and they attract fish! (Naturally.)"

"Well sir you have to understand that the conversation didn't seem..."

"You only heard the END!"

"Sure, but as a teacher I felt it was important..."

"You're a teacher! How embarrassing! I'm embarrassed you work here! (I'm embarrassed for your kid right now.) You don't just shout across parking lots! You pull them aside! I'm embarrassed by you!" *Puts aggressively gesturing hands in the window rather close to my face*
Which would actually cross the line into battery but she kept them mostly to herself.

END ASSAULT

I later found out that this mother has shown up to school drunk on multiple occasions. Obviously I'm the embarrassing one.

Kids deserve a better class of parents. Teachers deserve better employers. Yes, employers. Do you not realize that I show up to work everyday for little pay and spend real quality time with your child. I actually work FOR you... not even for you. I work IN SPITE of you. You're welcome.